Living in Mexico (or actually Mexico City)
You know you're living en Mexico (or actually Mexico City) when:
- A wedding is at 8:00 PM, you get there at 10:00 PM and nobody has arrived yet.
- You will often have lunch and dinner at the same restaurant on the same day... without actually leaving.
- You believe a shot of tequila cures everything.
- You have more prescription drugs at your toiletry bag than Eckerd does and you don't have an actual prescription for a single one.
- You bring along small cans of chiles when travelling to Europe.
- Leaving the office at 5:00 PM means working "half day".
- Returning to the office after "la comida" on Friday means you're a "pinchi gato".
- You blame the traffic on the rich.
- You blame the crime on the poor.
- You blame the PRI for almost everything else.
- You blame the "pinches gringos" for whatever's left.
- The word "puente" means five day weekend.
- You enjoy drinking beer with lime, salt, ice, tabasco sauce and still think it's the orange juice in the morning that gives you heartburn.
- "Licenciado" is a first name.
- If you order the tacos and your friend orders the enchiladas, you're positive the waiter will get it backwards.
- You go "pssssst" to catch a waiter's attention... in New York City.
- You refer to "@" as "arroba" but have not clue what it means.
- You use the word "este" as a conversatinal filter... in english.
- You say "bueno" when answering a telephone... in english.
- You say "mande" when someone calls you... in english.
- You keep on addressing good friends as barn yard animals. "Buey" & "cabrón" are the animals most often employed.
- You refer to a salesman as "maestro"... at Saks Fifth Avenue.
- You eat tacos, enchiladas, sopes, morcilla, moronga, and médula, but believe hamburgers are unhealthful.
- When someone tells you "I'll call you", you assume that he won't.
- You know "a ver cuándo nos vemos" actually means "I really don't care if I don't see you anytime soon".
- "Tomorrow" means "not right now", "never", or "screw you".
- Calling in sick on Monday is proper behavior.
- You keep a 20 dollars bill taped to the back of your driver's license.
- If you want 50 people to show up for your party, you invite 150.
- You call an 80 years old waiter "joven".
- You call a 20 years old waiter "viejo".
- You call everyone else, "hermano", "mano" or "manito".
- But you call your real brother "pendejo".
- You never refer to a friend's mother as simply "su madre", but always qualify by saying, "su señora madre", or "su querida madre", to avoid a misunderstanding which could get you a "madrazo".
- You assume women fall into three categories: virgins, whores or your mother.
- You assume your daughters are virgins because they get home before you do at night.
- You profess: "como México no hay dos", but secretly wish Mexico City was more like San Antonio.
- You think the next "sexenio" ant the next "President" always will be better.
MESSAGE FROM CORPORATE (Any Corporate)
TO: ALL MEXICAN STAFF
FROM: HUMAN RESOURCES
RE: IMPROPER LANGUAGE USAGE
DATE: FEBRUARY 28, 2002
Several corporate officers have brought to our attention that Mexican staff commonly uses inappropriate language. Such behavior, in addition to violating Company Policy # 23.2, is regarded as highly unprofessional and offensive. Therefore, from this date forward, everyone concerned should immediately adhere to the following rules:
Thanks and have a nice day.
- Words like 'carajo', 'chingada' and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion might be.
- You will not say 'pendejo' or 'la cagas', when somebody is being reprimanded, or 'qué pendejada' or 'qué mamadas son estas' when a major mistake or conflict has risen. All forms derived of the verbs, 'pendejear', 'mamar' or 'cagar' are unsuitable in our environment, for they lead to further confusion and potential disagreement.
- No Manager, Director, or least Vice-President under any circumstances will be referred to as 'hijo de su chingada madre', 'hijo de puta', 'cabrón' or 'ojete'.
- Lack of determination will not be referred to as 'falta de huevos', 'pinche puto', 'joto' or 'maricón', nor will persons with lack of initiative be referred as 'culero' or 'pendejo'.
- Unusual creative or original ideas should not be referred to as 'pinches jaladas'.
- Do not say 'cómo chinga' or 'jode' if a person is persistent, or 'está jodido' if a colleague is going through a difficult situation, or his or her department's position is untenable or ill-conceived. Furthermore, you must not say 'qué chinga' when matters turn complicated.
- When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say 'vete a la chingada' or 'vete al carajo', do not ever substitute 'May I help you' with '¿qué chingados quieres?'. When things get-tough and unacceptable, a statement such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used rather than: 'esto está de la chingada'.
- Performance Management sessions with staff should never be referred to as 'esto ya mamó'.
- If you make a mistake just say so, and not say 'ya la cagué' or 'ya me llevó la chingada' when your Direct Reports get to know about your mistakes.
- Under no circumstance should you call our staff members who are approaching retirement as 'rucos ojetes'.
- When in a hurry never use expressions such as 'ándale, cabrón' or 'órale, pinches putos'.
- The statement 'te la pelas' should not be used to discourage someone.
- 'Nos la pelaron los pinches gringos' should not be used to convey the idea of victory in a negotiation.
- Body language like the one used by Mexican Senator Roque Villanueva is prohibited (for better understanding of this issue an image is attached below).
- When a problem is not your responsibility, you must not say 'no es mi pedo', for there is not an accurate translation of the statement in our language.
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